午宴之歌
"He leaves a message- a yellow sticky ,
"on the dead black of his computer screen,
"'Gone to luch''I may be some time,
"His colleagues won't be seeing him for the rest of the afternoon.
"Rare joy of truancy ,of bold escape from the trap of work.
"That heap of typescript can be left to dwell.
"on its thousand offences against grammar and good sense.
"His trusty blue pen can snooze with its cap on,nobody will notice.
"He shuts the door on the sleeping dog of his own departure, hurres,not too fast.
"along the corridor,taps the lift button,and waits.
"To meet even one person at this delicate juncture would sully the whole enterprise.
"But he's in luck ,the lift yawns emptily,
"he steps in is in close and carried downwards to sunlight..
..and London's approxmation of fresh air.
"with one bound....he is free!
"it's
"Keep your imagination peeled and see Virginia Woolf
"loping off to the library with a trug full of books.
And there goes TS Eliot .bound for his first Martini of the day
"with his gig-lamps and his immaculate sheen.
"BloomSBury and its blue plaques.
"The squares and stucco terraces,
"where the little industrious publishers still like to hide theri offices.
"that by some dispensation has been left to stand amid the road drills and high,swivelling cranes.
"In his 50s,he favorites a younger man's impatient pace.
"skipping round dawdling or stupidly halted pedestrians.
"You're not properly living in London if you don't use the dodges,the short cuts.
"YET IT'S 20 MINUTES WALK FROM WORKTO THIS LUNCHTIME DATE WITH AN OLD FLAME.
"Gaggles of tourists
"Never mind ,he's malcing
"The restaurant is an old haunt,Through he hasn't been there for years.
"Zanzotti's -unreformed Soho Italian.Zanzotti's-
"Chianti in a basket,breadsticks you snap with a sneeze of dust,
"red gingham cloths,overlaid on the diagonal with plain green paper ones.
"Finger Smears at the neck of the water carafe.
"and massimo himself touring the tables with his fake bonhomie.
"But Soho has changed,the speciality food shops pushed cut business.
"tars chased
"Cultureless,fly-by-night,but he prasto,Zanzotti's edges into view.
"exactly as memory
Phew
"when he suddenly recollects...
"what precisely? "Deja vu?
"some artistic analogy? too bad ,Let it go.
"on the threshold,
"on the edge of a shadow-world that is yet to welcome him,
"he stands and waits.
"no sign of massimo,
"Massimo's pirate crew,as he privately thought of them.
"some of whose names he knew whilst knowing nothing of their lives beyond the act.
"grave ,fliritatious,resentful,brisk,droll-
"each brought to the table."instead,young men and women
"roughly half and half-and not all looking especially Itallian.
"How long has it been?Five years? six years? Ten? "Fifteen?
"God help us all.
"Though
"and in full downhill hurtle must be inaudible,unheard-of,rather,
"to these spingtly boys and girls
"He is noticed, but not recognized,by a waiter he does not recognize,
"but who catches his name in his right ear,then bows clerically.
"over the ledger that bulges from all the name
"the months and years of names,written in it,
"and that sits open on a slope like a church-lectem Bible."The Book of Reservations.
"As ever,that pause of anxiety and mute appeal.
"But there,happily,it is.
"Without a smile,without a word,he is eyebrowed and nodded to follow,
-Thank you. And the wine list,please?
"On the back.
"So things are different after all under new mismanagement.
"Might have known it.Did know it,perhaps.
"The very table linen has lost its patriotism."Plain white.We surrender.
"And this menu-this twanging laminated card-
"big as a riot policeman's shield.
"Hmm.At first glance,pizzas by the yard."More pizzas than there should be.
"And too much designer pizzazz.
"Choose the right wine and have it ready breathing for when she arrives.
"There's a mid-price Chianti,which won't come plump in tight straw swadding,
"but will do for auld lang syne.
"Old times' sake being the precarious purpose of this tete-a-tete,
"and possibly a great big mistake
"Why did she e-mail him suggesting...?
THEY CHATTER AND LAUGH
"He commands-nice word-a clear view of the entrance,
"lit contre-jour so that each new arrival,new candidate for his notice,
"appears to step from brighness to bathos with a tacit apology.
"'Sorry,I'm not..'
"Fwop!
"The cork leaves the bottle and his quick nose wants to pick up the escaping bouquet.
"Will it be all right?
"The waiter pours out the statutory measure-
"one imperial glug-which he lift and breathes over thinkingly.
"Not corked.
-THAT'S FINE THANK U .Leave it there.
"He'll do the pouring.
"it's quite sharp but should broaden out.
"He takes his tumbler of water,overweight bubbles mobbing up to greet him,
"slips that and feels the chill fizz smash against his palate.
"Thirstier than he thought.
"he drinks till the ice rests on his upper lip.
-HELLO
"She's here.
"How did that happen?Had he taken his eyes off the door for so long?
"Flustered,self-reprimanding.he is still able to start to rise from his seat...
-Well..I didn't see..
"..and be met halfway with a soft peck,smack in the middle of his mouth.
"Familliar collision of pout against pout.
"Though there's sth different.too,A new..what?Fragrance?Aura?
"Hint of carefree expenditure?
"How lovely.."
-I hope I'm not late.
"So ,the human paradox.
"All that he remembers,vivid in the difference.
"Is she thinner?
"Somehow there's a sharper outline which is not just smart tailoring.
"and her hair looks better behaved
"She hangs her bag,pampered scarlet leather,
"over the back of he chair and skip into the seat.
"'now'.that movement says,quick,eager,a touch needy,
"as if she were beginning a lesson in a subject she 's good at.
"it puts him on his mettle.
-There!
"Lips.eyes,eyebrows and the new lines in her forehead "fill out the harmony
-Have some wine
"He pours into the two glasses,
"measuring by ear identical notes.
-This is a disppointment.Remmember the old flasks?-Kitsch,Iknow,but didn't u have a soft spot?
Snug in their raffia like fat cuckoos insmall nests.-Still ,nothing lasts.
-What's the toast? -Happy days?
"'Happy days' it
"Rims meet and clink,swaying the cradled liquid
"Daark,sluggish ink,
"Becoming palatable
-YOU HAVE CHANGE
"The grey,the flab,the stoop,the frown.
"And in the deliberating,disbelieving eyes," Something like ''terror.
-NOT NOTICE.
"Was that one of the problem's,he wondes.
"her blithe rebuffing of such facts.
"as didn't match on optimmistic outlook?
"He could argue but the waiter intervens with second menu.
"which slices into the infant conversation.
"like a sweetly swung axe.
-the menu.Senora
"Did he
"Retreating to cover.
-come on ,N sulks,Be nice sols sage..
"Cajoling English,and caressing French
-how long has it been?ten years,eleven?-fifteen!
-No,it can't be that,let's settle for twelve and we'veonly got lunch in which to tell each other everthing,so''truce
"For a moment ,he withholds,mouth full of pause.
"which he can either spit out or swallow,
-Pax
"His glass is drained,her's is barely touched,Judiciously ,he brings the levels level,
-so who's just start? -you-Right i'll tell u everth,i can there's little to relate.
"impeccable, thing,she doesn't need it,but it's her style to entrust herself in unimportant matters,pose question that are easy to answer.
"and indeed it
"his turn
-What say we start again-wind back years
-minutes,U know what
-ah My autobiography ,no chance confession of a copy editor chapter 93,it's an ordinaary day in a publishing house of ill repute another moronie manuscript comes crashing down the chuteto be
"after such a rant ,he finds it difficult to look her in the eyes.
"which is bright ,amused ,searching pitiless.
"when he notice for the first time the faint
"faint nimbus of the lens circling ,the gold-shot azure of each iris
"Well.of caurse,'oracle eyes'he used to call them
"the harder Ulooked ,the more sublime and unreadabe they because
"But have they lost their old force?
"the heretical ques strengthen hi own stare.
"Gaze meet gaze,revealing ,as ever,
"Flyaway thought ,Beck to life.
-AND U?
"He has
"skulking, at dusk in her prim gray square.
"address folded in his raincoat pocket.
"with no real intention of ringing the doorbell.yet unable to depart
"until the horrible shock of pigeons.
"an entire flock rising at some scare into the diminshed light
"like a thousand umbrellas,simultaneously opening "and telling him to go
"No,he thinks,No..
"She
"twisting in her seat,chin raised,eyes reconnoitring.
"He 'dlike to kiss he long neck,Nibble it ,'nuzzle he jawbone with his nose
-which................................
"oh,yes ,he's rotten with jealousy."
"He means her husband ,the celebated novelist
"the ubiquitous jacket photo, "the wintry smirk that stole her from him
"she shrowsout a laugh............................................
"Slender fingers,once so intimate and versatile and tender.
"Whirls of wrinkles sealing the knuckles deeper now.
"though the laoquerless nails remain buffed and neat
.....
"chews,he observes with less conspicuous relish than she used to
"HAVE ALL HER APPETITES TURNED LESS LUSTY? "MIND YOUR BUSISNIESS
"But isn't his business to remember certain times
"Old times ,bed times,between-times,any-times. of a startling impromptu innocent fasciviousness
"that he'll never know again?
"sleep-musky kisses,that roused him in the small hours.
"peremptory custody of light ,firm limbs.
"the polyrhythmic riding he'll never know again.
"Caught a fish and let it go,
"Found a treasure and threw it away."Hey ,hey,hey
"Drop it now.
"Voyeur of the past and the present, "He steal a p
"every moment has elegance and economy,is swift and deft.
"The jut of her wristbone,marvel of engineering, holds the secret and as a connoisseur.
"He yearns to inspect it at closer quarters,by eye and by touch,
"But how can he catch it?
"like a butterfly hunter,he ponders the problem.
- sweet..sweetheart...Ihate to say it ,but
-my god,You're right ,i'm sorry.its the old male gaze.
"through alcoholize gaze
-Ithink I fall in love the wrisk,Ithink I've became a wrist festishist.
-U're an everth fetishist,always has been guilty.
-U know,it's one thing to ogle an waitress's burn,but this is the wrist of a maprivate property.look.i'm sure u can see the mark of the manaclds.so kind...
"half-empt,but that can wait"how's bottleplenty
"he thinks thinks about drink,about his drinking.
"The taste of his last mouthful lies like rust on his tongue.
"Harsh,and yet his tongue craves more "
"At rest in the glass ,the wine is rusted purple.
"So there exists an affinity.
"a strong mutual pull between wine and tongue
"They're complementary.
"The sillent tongue calls out,and the wine.
"though inanimate, will heed the call. "well it's a theory.
"lent support when the glass rises and this time,not stopping short,delivers one loverto the other.
"they kiss "there's a little death.
"an insufficient bliss,but repeatable later.
"Nicely judged lurches propel him down to the ground floor.
"And a more stately progress.
"brings him back to the restaurant,now almost deserted.
"That's his table over there.
"Unoccupied less than an hour has passed.
"but he might have died and be returning as a ghost.
-that lady ,she go,you no come back,-No,no,no,no,she pay
"Airy hestation,he tucks his wallet away.
-Was.. Was she angry?
"Big shrug.Big shake of head.
"comical,big-mouthed grimace.
"Wouldn't care to say,same as enough sail
"look!They've looked after his shoulder bag.
"Now he is saddled and ready to depart.
"But first,a last goodbye to old place.
"Nothing more empty than a room full of tables,laid ..but without occupants.
"No,wait.
"A very old man.
"blind,staring eyes,black tie,black suit.
"rigid as a cadaver from some Sicilian catacomb.
"Husk of life ,Without sap.without savour.
"Nudge him,he'll crumble.
"As he turns to go,the recognition...
"pierces him.
